Communication, Daily Life
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“We need to talk…”

When an issue arises, dealing with it can often seem like the hardest part. Most people try to avoid disagreements or confrontation of any kind, but this can be very damaging in the long-term.

Here are three reasons why couples tend to reach a breaking point in their relationships, especially when conflicts are left unresolved.

1. Guilt

It isn’t a nice feeling when you know you have upset the person you love, especially if it was unintentional. When he/she has a hard time accepting the fact that you were not trying to hurt them, this can be a huge hurdle to get past. Take some time out to remember that someone who truly loves you would never go out of their way to hurt you, and take the time to address the situation and how it made you feel, rather than attacking the individual. More often than not, your partner will realize when they have wronged you before there is any need for you to mention it. The way that you both go about dealing with these situations will speak volumes about your relationship.

You should always feel as though you can be honest with your partner if you are unhappy about something they have done, without the fear that they will dismiss how you feel. They may not be happy to hear it, but they should be willing to listen and work past the problem regardless. Too many couples have a breakdown in communication due to the fact that feelings aren’t respected.

 

2. Frustration

When you feel as though you are not getting through to the person, there are various ways that you are likely to switch off or shut down. You may just stop talking and let them speak, or you may reach a breaking point where you end up shouting in response. Individuals often find that they also need to leave the room in order to calm down. But what if she likes to deal with conflict when it arises, and he needs some time out to think things through?

After encountering this personally, I learnt the importance of being able to compromise. The reality is, there will be things that you won’t agree on. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will learn to be patient when faced with opinions that don’t reflect your own, rather than being determined to make him/her see things your way. Have you ever considered the fact that you may be wrong? I’ll let you digest that thought…

 

3. Uncertainty

When you have a disagreement, regardless of who is at fault, your focus should be on how best to resolve the situation. Now imagine that you find that you are both disagreeing over various issues. It seems as though your conflicting attitudes are becoming the norm, and this can be due to the fact that you have no idea how to resolve the problems at hand.

This can then create a lack of confidence, especially due to the fact that no relationship starts off in this way. To go from feelings of joy and contentment, to feelings of frustration and resentment, can be particularly hard to deal with. Many couples end up in a cycle that they struggle to break, where he disappoints her for example, so she criticizes him, and so on.

 

As men and women we both have different character traits, and sometimes it can even seem as though we were made with conflicting perspectives! It is very easy to feel frustrated when the person who knows you best seems to be completely oblivious to the way you feel. However, it is important to recognize that there is a difference, and we need to respect that. Conflicts are usually based upon the fact that the other person has done something that we don’t agree with, but another common factor stems from the idea that the other person hasn’t done something in the way that we expected them to do it.

 

“The intimate is often the path to understanding the transcendent”

Each for the Other by Bryan Chapell

 

This quote in particular stood out to me when I was reading this book. In other words, taking the time to understand your partner and any issues they may have, will ultimately help you to understand the way you relate to one another as a couple. If you are able to grasp this and apply it to situations that usually fuel conflict, then you will be able to approach your partner with a renewed sense of compassion and understanding.

Here are some key points to remember:

 

  • You should be confident that you can share your honest feelings with your partner without the fear of being judged
  • If you believe that your partner loves you, then you should also believe that they would never plan to upset you. Take time to listen, and try to look deeper beyond the surface of the issue
  • Learning to deal with conflict is a necessary experience for couples

 

 

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